"As Christ Loved the Church..."-She Said

Pam-She Said

Love is hard. It really is. I came into my marriage with a lot of misconceptions about what love looks like. Until I met Lucas, I was under the impression that just saying the words, "I love you" always meant something. They made me feel important and accepted. And unfortunately, I would say them, too, pretty freely, to people who breezed in and out of my life, without realizing the weight of those words. They became empty without the guns to back them up. And as a divorced woman, toting her baggage around like cancerous growths, I needed someone with the guns.

Luckily, I found Jesus.

If anyone had the guns to show me love, pure and unconditional, it was Him.  And a healing began in me when I realized that His words meant "sacrifice". They meant, "I'm in it for the long haul".  They meant, "I love you no matter what, no matter when, no matter why or how. I love you."

Then I met Lucas.  I knew he loved me when he picked up my baggage and took it on himself. When he decided, against all odds and amidst church and personal controversy, that he was going to marry me, the older, broken, divorced, damsel-in-distress.  He listened to my stories, good, bad, and ugly, without judging me. He decided I was worth saving, that I had value, even when I didn't think that was true. He had the guns to back up his words.

What about me? When I said, "I love you" to others in my past, was it about sacrifice? Nah, not so much. I had to develop within my heart the ability to truly love.


Ephesians 5:22 tells us "Submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." That smells like sacrifice to me.  Because when I gave my heart to Jesus, I was in it to win it. I vowed to respect and honor him forever, to show my love and dedication, not just talk about it. To lay everything down for Him. My husband deserves that.  Your husband deserves that.

As Lucas wrote in his blog today, getting to know each other allows us to love on one another. So, what speaks to your husband's needs? Does he need encouragement? Affirmation? Some alone time?  His favorite homemade dinner without asking for it first?  Does he need a listening ear?  Maybe he needs to hear that you believe in him and you're proud of him. Maybe he needs to know that you trust him.

Getting to know each other grants us the capacity to make sacrifices for one another. It's not always easy to step outside of our comfort zone for someone else, to give up what we've planned or expected to support one another. It's just not easy. But Jesus's sacrifice wasn't easy. It was friggin' insanely hard.

Welcome to the gun show, ladies. ;)

"As Christ Loved the Church..."

Lucas-He Said:

One of the hardest parts of marriage is figuring out what "Love" is. People show love and feel love differently based on experience.  Obviously the Bible comes right out and tells us what love is, but in true American style we all have our own versions or definitions of love, such as: 

• Love is that feeling you get when the person looks at you and you know it's all down hill from there. 
• Love is blind. 
• Love happens at first sight. 
• Love will overcome all things. 
• Love is tragic and dramatic. 
• Love is irresistible. 
• Love is irrational.  
• Its not love unless you make illogical and uninformed decisions that defy all reason and sensibility. 
• Love means always giving in. 
• Love means getting your way.  
• We believe in love like the tooth fairy. It comes in when you least expect it, steals something from you, and in exchange it leaves you dying inside or hoping for more. 

Does that sound about right? Some of our definitions of love are biblical but the application of love is flawed. Other definitions are romantic but ridiculously impractical. But the truth is, we all define love in different ways. Why? Look at the history each of us brings to the table: hurts, abuse, loss, broken marriages, broken homes.   With that being said, with all of these definitions and expectations floating around out there, how do we develop true love within our marriages?

Know each other. 

Think about this: When Christ gave himself for all of us, His bride, he took our sins upon Himself and laid down all that He was for us. It was a sacrifice like no other. In our marriages, then, we need to be mindful of what our wives need on a daily basis. How can I show her love today? What speaks to HER heart? There will be sacrifices: pride, time, frustration, money, becoming a fashion critic, just to name a few. How much are you willing to sacrifice? If  you ask yourself, "Is it worth it?", then you must also ask yourself the question, "Was I worth it to Christ?"  

Today's challenge: Get to know her. 

My Circus, My Monkeys

Talking about marriage is like giving others unsolicited parenting advice. It's like looking inside someone's messy laundry room. Like digging through someone's junk drawer. Private, personal, vulnerable, uncomfortable...the list goes on, but you get the point. It ain't pretty.

Knowing this, our motive is to inspire Gen-X and Milennials to take the leap, and also to inspire a renewed sense of hope in those who have been battling in the trenches for years.

"Redeeming Marriage" began 16 years ago, when two unlikely idealists met and fell in love. One was older, had gone through an ugly divorce, and was hauling around a whole lot of baggage. The other was a pastor's kid with a vision of marrying a pure, sweet, innocent "perfect woman".  See the controversy there? She knew what marriage was NOT supposed to be, what it shouldn't be. He knew that he wanted to build a marriage on a rock-solid foundation, with Jesus at the center.  At the core was redemption: redemption of trust, redemption of relationship, redemption of marriage, in and of itself. This redemption would ultimately heal her of her past hurts and allow both of them to build a foundation of trust and communication.

Let's stop talking about ourselves in the third-person now, shall we? A few years back, we noticed a trend of young couples approaching us with questions and concerns about dating, marriage, and second marriages. They saw something in our relationship that they wanted to duplicate. And we had a true desire, deep in our hearts, to help.

After several years of organizing our thoughts and looking back on the way we have developed our relationship, we've decided to reach out and talk candidly about marriage, to offer a "he said, she said" perspective and to show that we're in this together. We want to be purposeful about our marriages, our decisions.  Our circus, our monkeys.

Being that this is our first blog post, we'll leave you with the scripture where we have built our marriage and from where we plan to launch our platform: Ephesians 5:25 says,

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her."

What in the world could that mean? (Princess Bride? Anyone? Oh yeah, we like to quote movies, too.)

What does this scripture mean to YOU and your relationship? Give us some feedback!

Love,
Lucas and Pam